Saying No

When our marriage imploded five years ago, a contributing factor was living beyond our means. Most of the time, that phrase is used to describe how people spend money they don’t have to impress people they don’t even like. We did that too.

But we lived beyond our means in the area of our time. We over-spent in our time as well. The thing about time is, you can’t put it on credit. You can’t make a minimum payment. Once you’ve spent your time, you’ll never get it back.

We didn’t say “no” enough. We said no… just to the wrong things. When you say yes to something, you are always saying no to something else. So often we said yes to one more meeting; one more dinner; one more counseling session; one more email; one more idea to implement. In saying yes to so much, we said no to building our marriage; investing in our kids; discovering our identity; disconnecting from the church; growing in intimacy through conversation.

My guess is you don’t say no for the same reasons we didn’t say no…the temptation to be all things to all people; to not disappoint; to produce; to come through; to achieve; to impress, no matter the cost.

When you’ve lost everything, like we did,  no is easier to say. When you aren’t sure you’re going to be married anymore and what your visitation rights will be, saying NO to the things that don’t mean as much is easy.

Why are we tempted to prove ourselves over and over again, at a high cost to those we love most?

My guess is you need to say no to something. To have the marriage you long for, you need to say no to something. To have the friendships you crave, you need to say no to something. To invest in your kids like you planned to, you need to say no to something. To develop the relationship with God you want to have, you need to say no to something.

By saying no to some good things, you will find freedom to say yes to what matters most.