The Most Miserable Way to Live

Almost every week, Trisha and I have conversations via email or on our blog with people who don’t understand how their life imploded. They can’t comprehend how their marriage drifted. They can’t believe that their spouse cheated. While every person is different, every situation is different; there are common characteristics to every story. There are similar traits in every broken marriage, every messed up life, every adulterous spouse.

I lived my life, as a Christian and as a pastor, trying to manage three things that left me broken, discontent and miserable. At least one of these things exist in every story, every broken life, situation or marriage.

Here are the three things that you can’t manage and live the life God longs for you:

-Image Management:

I was a master of image management. I began to believe that if I could manage my image and impress you enough, I’d feel better about myself. If I could appear to be spiritual enough, rich enough, talented enough; if I could accomplish enough, acquire enough, be respected enough then I would begin to feel adequate enough. When you live your life to manage your image, you live for the opinions of people rather than the pleasure of God. That is a dangerous and miserable way to live.

-Marriage Management:

When you are managing your marriage you gauge the health of your marriage on your spouses happiness and not on your marriage’s oneness. You do everything you can to avoid arguments. You walk on eggshells. You feel like you are performing for your spouse rather than growing with your spouse. You think what can I do to not have her nag at me, not have him yell at me, what can I do to get her to have sex with me, to just get through the weekend without a huge blow up. This version of marriage is a counterfeit and a fake and it will suck the life out of you. This version of marriage makes divorce appealing.

–Sin Management:

There is a passage in the New Testament that says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other that you might be healed.” Most of us that call ourselves Christians don’t really believe this passage…if we believe it we definitely don’t live it out. We don’t confess our sin; we conceal our sin. We don’t readily admit our sin; we manage our sin. We don’t acknowledge our sin; we justify it. We live our life to avoid being exposed.

Image management, marriage management and sin management defined my life. When these three things begin to drive your life, they shape your relationship with God. There is nothing appealing about this type of life. It becomes so exhausting to play this game and giving up or giving in begins to look appealing. One of the best things I’ve ever done for my life, my marriage and my family is to recognize this and call it out. When you surrender this life to God, you realize that you aren’t designed to manage any of this.

In your life right now, which do you struggle with most? Image Management, Marriage Management, Sin Management?