The Secret Ingredient

The past few weeks have been pretty hard. We have spoken to so many couples that are struggling: Struggling with news of an affair, devastated by catching their husband looking at pornography, lost as they don’t know how to put back the pieces to a marriage that seems beyond repair.

At some point in our conversations the question is always asked of us. “How did you do it?” “How did restore your marriage after the affair?” “How have you been able to overcome the pain of pornography?”  “How have you forgiven?” “How have you moved on?” “How are you not resentful?” “How do you not walk in guilt and shame?”

There is no magic pill. There is not one decision that will make everything better. There isn’t anything you can do that will take it all back. But there is a secret ingredient to every person that I know that has found healing; every marriage that has been restored; every relationship that has been repaired…that secret ingredient is brokenness.

Brokenness is living with a daily awareness of how messed up you are. It is recognizing that with out the grace of God, you’d have nothing. It is living as though you are owed nothing, but you owe God everything.

Remember the very first time you encountered God’s love? Remember the very first time you asked Christ to be your savior? Do you remember that moment? Do you remember when you were at rock bottom and you had no chance for life or healing or a second chance without God showing up in your life? Do you remember how he met you in that moment?

Do you remember that feeling? Do you remember how grateful you were, how broken you were, how thankful you were? Remember the first time you needed grace and grace was given?  Brokenness is living in that moment every day. Brokenness is relying on that grace every day. Brokenness is loving and forgiving because you have been loved and forgiven.

Brokenness is pursuing purity out of a response to the love of Christ. Brokenness admitting your failures; coming face to face with your addiction; acknowledging your inappropriate relationship, and coming before God with an honest and sincere heart.

This way of living requires authenticity, transparency and a humble heart. But this way of living brings life and hope and freedom and joy.

It is the paradox of the authentic Christian life that the wholeness that you long for is found in brokenness.

How are you doing in living from the place of brokenness in your life today?