What Do You Love About Her
Aug 28, 2022I had breakfast this summer with a good friend. His marriage was in trouble. For thirty minutes he told me how bad things were. He and his wife had grown apart. He listed all of the things that she did that drove him nuts. He deserved more than what she was giving. She didn’t appreciate him; she didn’t respect him; she didn’t understand him. The list went on and on.
It was a hard conversation because I felt like I was talking to myself five years ago. All I could see at the time Trisha and I separated were the things that drove me crazy and frustrated me.
I had nothing to say to my friend to make this better. I just prayed that God would give me wisdom and would allow me to say something that would overcome the resentment that had built over the years.
I said to him, “Wow, it is pretty obvious what you don’t love about your wife. What do you love about her? What made you fall in love with her? What caused you to lay awake at night dreaming about the day you would wake up next to her?”
Long. Pause.
Tears started streaming down his face. He said to me, “I haven’t thought about that in a long, long time.” I said, “Why don’t you think about it right now.” He began to share with me what he loved about his wife. He began to talk about a person that he fell in love with. He began to remember why wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. I said to him, “Do those things still live in her? Does she still possess those qualities?” “Yes. I just don’t see them.”
The longer we are in a relationship, the easier it is to see all the things that irritate us. The more familiar we are with someone’s weaknesses, the more prone we are to focus on those weaknesses and become resentful.
What do you love about your husband? I know he leaves his underwear on the floor next to the hamper. I know he comes home later than what he promised. I know he doesn’t help out with the kids, as much as you want him to…I know all of that. But what do you love about him? Do you love his laugh? Do you love his smile? Do you love how hard he works? Do you love that he gets your quirky sense of humor? What do you love about him?
What do you love about your wife? I know she overreacts. I know she uses a tone of voice with you that drives you nuts. I know she holds grudges and throws up your mistakes from the past. I know all of that…but what do you love about her? Do you love her eyes? Do you love her integrity? Do you love her loyalty? Do you love waking up to her every single morning? What do you love about her?
Maybe the issues you face in your relationship with your spouse are more a matter of your perspective than anything else. What if you led with love and not with your frustrations?
