What Every Wife Needs from Her Husband

Yesterday Justin felt the need to share a little math fact with me that made my heart drop down to my toes…

Justin: Do you realize that Micah (our soon to be 16 year-old son) is only four years away from how old you were when we got married?

 Me: What you talkin bout Willis?

 Justin: Wow, actually he is only three years away from the age you were when we got engaged!

Me: If you keep providing math facts you may not live to see our 18^th anniversary!

I was barley twenty when Justin and I got married. But I was deeply in love with this gorgeous man that asked me to be forever his. He was strong, funny, smart (did I say gorgeous?) and most attractive of all; he had a passion for the Lord.

As I reflected on the past seventeen years, I couldn’t believe how much we have changed, how much our family has changed yet how many things have stayed the same. From the moment I first met Justin I knew when he loved something he loved it with all that he had. Basketball and Michael Jordan were some of his first loves. When he fell in love with me it was no different, he went “all out” in some of the most insane ways!

This leads me to the first of four things that every wife needs from her husband:

1. Pursuit

One of the things that made me fall in love with Justin was the way he pursued me. In college he drove three hours to my hometown just to bring me a gift and we weren’t even dating. When he proposed to me every detail had me in mind. When we got married and pregnant only four months later he bought me a maternity outfit and a pair of a baby Jordan’s. If it were up to him our first son would have been named Michael Jordan.

I seriously could write for hours about the insane ways this man has pursued me but here is my point. It wasn’t just about what he was doing to pursue me but that he was simply pursuing me. When seasons of our marriage got hard Justin would choose to pursue me and in doing so, built a sacred trust. This kind of trust communicates to your wife that no one else on the planet could fill the role of your wife other than her. If you’ve read our story you know the scary slow fade that we drift to when we stop pursuing each other. When you pursue your wife you allow her to know that you value her and who she is matters.

Okay this next one is going to knock your socks off!

2. Prayer

Guys I know you probably gave me a nasty eye roll… its okay I can take it but seriously read this. Maybe you’re at a place where you feel like you can never do enough, say enough or provide enough to make your wife happy. Well prayer changes that!

When you take the time to pray for your wife God will bring the craziest things to mind. He will prompt you to say things, do things and provide things that you could never dream up on your own. He knows your wife better than anyone else so when you choose to pray for her you are allowing Him the opportunity to give you intimate details of your wife’s heart.

If you really want to get wild and crazy pray with her! Trust me it changes a lot more than you think. When you pray with your wife and allow her to pour her heart out to God you are building sacred trust. When you pray over her you create a moment of intimacy, which means to be fully known. There’s nothing more attractive to your wife than to have a trust worthy husband that knows her intimately emotionally, spiritually and physically.

3. Engagement

Have you ever been in a meeting where a person is talking, and talking and talking that you just stop listening? This happens in marriage all the time. Regardless if you’re a stay-at-home parent, neurosurgeon or pastor we all have daily commitments that demand our time and attention. We have our electronics, social media and TV shows. We have countless volunteer opportunities to  serve other people. It’s easy to get distracted.

What becomes dangerous in a marriage is when we become hard of hearing from all the noise of our jam-packed life that we stop listening to those who matter the most. There will always be this tension to engage with the right people and the right things. It’s a balancing act. You have to daily choose to be intentionally engaged with your wife or other people and things will distract you.

4. Leadership

 If I’m honest this word has kind of become a four-letter word to me. I read all kinds of opinions on leadership. I’ve come to the conclusion that the best leaders don’t have to define where they are on the leadership chart so that its made clear who’s following them, they just lead.  Leadership isn’t about being on a power trip or having all the answers. I love what Paul writes about leadership.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

 From the time Jesus was a small boy he knew that God the Father was the ultimate leader of his life. Jesus spent his time here on earth illuminating God’s leadership not trying to steal the limelight. What I love about Jesus’ relationship with the Father is that even though He knew God was the “head” Jesus had a clear view of the leadership role God had called him to. Jesus was fully known by the Father and had a level a sacred trust that allowed him to say yes to the cross so that WE then could be a part of this sacred relationship.

Your wife doesn’t need you to be a perfect leader. She doesn’t need to know where she fits on your leadership chart. Your wife needs you to lead with the knowledge that you are a part of a sacred relationship between you, the Holy Spirit, Jesus and God. God has given you the gift of Holy Spirit to HELP guide you. God’s leadership plan isn’t about authority for the sake of authority; but rather learning to lead with a selfless love in which those with whom He has in trusted you will also want to be a part of this sacred relationship.