Whatever It Takes

One of the things that I love about my wife is that she is a “whatever it takes” kind of person. She’s always been this way. When we got engaged we knew that our parents couldn’t afford to pay for our entire wedding. Trisha took a semester off of school to move home, work a full time job, a part time job and save for our wedding. She has been that way for the past 16 years…in our marriage; in friendships; in serving at the church; as a mom. She knows no other way of living except “whatever it takes.”

People often ask us how we survived the affair. How did we stay together? How did we make it? How are we making it now? There is no doubt that the number one reason we are together today is because of the grace and mercy of God. No doubt. Beyond that, the single greatest reason we are married is because we decided to do “whatever it takes” to have the marriage God envisioned for us. Even though she didn’t have to, Trisha said in a counseling session one afternoon, “I’m committed to do whatever it takes to have a new marriage.” That statement has paved the way to the marriage we have today.

As I meet with and talk to couples, I see this gap between what they want for their marriage and what they are willing to do to have the marriage they desire. Many people say that they are willing to do whatever it takes…BUT

• They won’t forgive
• They won’t say they are sorry
• They won’t stop drinking
• They won’t change jobs after having an affair with a co-worker
• They won’t be honest
• They won’t admit their porn addiction
• They won’t stop controlling and manipulating
• They won’t separate for the purpose of reconciliation
• They won’t go to counseling
• They won’t ask for help
• They won’t do the things that the counselor suggests to do once they do go to counseling
• They expect to have a different marriage without doing anything differently

If you want a usual marriage, keep doing things as usual. If you want something different, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to have that marriage. Maybe today the greatest barrier to the marriage you dream of is one little word: BUT.