When The Ending Isn't Happy

On Friday, we received an email that brought tears to my eyes. Here is an excerpt of that email:

I love all the encouraging stories of marriage being restored. I’m just wondering what about the ones that don’t. My husband has choose to file divorce and not have anything to do with forgiveness. I just feel like everyone has the great stories about the ones that get restored and God uses. But what about the ones who don’t, will God still use me? Is his Grace still for me? Does he even see me?

What do you do when the ending isn’t happy? For some of you there is no restored marriage. For some of you, your spouse did choose the other person. For some of you our blog is often a reminder of what could have been, and you wonder, “Why them, and not me?” For some of you, God left your life when your marriage ended; or at least it has felt like it.

Can I offer these words of truth to you today?

-Just because your marriage has ended, doesn’t mean your story has ended
Your story is still being written. God is still working. He is still moving. He is still planning. He can and will use, even the most difficult and hurtful times of your life to write His story in you. His plan for you isn’t dependent on your marital status. His grace is for YOU.

-The best thing you can do is pursue healing
This is hard, but so important. So many people want to pursue being used by God before they pursue being healed by God. I get it…I really do. The guilt of my choices and the destruction of my choices weighed on me so much that I wanted to make up for it. I wanted God to use me. But when we pursue God using us before we pursue His healing, we forfeit the heart wholeness He longs to bring. In the long run, we shortcut our own healing process and set ourselves up to repeat history rather than rewrite history. Pursue healing above all else.

-The hardest person to forgive is yourself
It will be the most difficult to forgive yourself. Can I encourage you today to recognize this and begin the forgiving process with yourself. God’s plan for you isn’t to live in shame and guilt. In fact, His word says that there is “no condemnation for those that are in Christ.” He forgives you. Forgive yourself.

-Your identity isn’t dependent on your marital status
God loves you single, divorced, remarried, separated. Your identity in Him isn’t dependent on your marital status. It will take a while, but as you begin to find your identity in Him, you will allow Him to use you, your story and your life.

It is easy to tie a bow around our story and think the happy ending is only for those who have been restored. Restoration is for you. Redemption has less to do with your marriage as it does your heart.

Even when it seems like your ending isn’t happy…remember it isn’t the end. He is still writing your story.