Why You Still Watch Porn

There was an internal dialogue that went on inside my head for the 10+ years I struggled with pornography. The conversation went something like this: “That was the last time I’m ever going to watch that. I’m never doing that again.” The conviction I felt was real. The guilt and remorse I had was authentic. I was serious…until the next time I watched it or clicked it.

Between the secret stumbles I had with pornography, my wife and I had conversations about movies and TV shows. There were several times she asked if watching a movie with a sex scene or “brief” nudity was the wisest thing to do. I’d apologize after we walked out of the movie theater or  I’d fast forward through that scene in the DVD I convinced her to watch.

Eight years removed from confessing my addiction to porn, I’ve realized that the biggest lies I told weren’t to my wife…they were to myself.

I convinced myself that there wasn’t a connection between the TV shows and movies I watched in public and the struggle I had with lust and porn in private. I justified my willingness to compromise sexual purity with a variety of excuses.

Every week I talk to men that struggle with porn. Some email from our blog. Others attend my church, know our story and seek me out for help.

Some have been busted by their wife and she’s made them email me. Others are tired of feeling guilt and shame and need to confess to someone. Sometimes, a guy isn’t even meeting with me because of pornography. They’re having problems in their marriage or in the area of sexual intimacy in their marriage, and I’ll ask if they struggle with porn. Their head drops as embarrassment overcomes them and they usually softly say, “Yes.”

When someone tells me that they’ve been hiding a secret struggle of pornography, I usually follow up with one question. “Tell me about the last few movies you’ve watched in public. What is the last movie you went to with your wife or with your buddies? What are the last 3 movies you’ve watched on Netflix?” 

90% of the time, the movies they tell me they’ve watched with friends or with their wife in public contains sexual content, sensuality or nudity.

Here is what I know:

Voluntarily exposing your heart and mind to sexual content will never help you resist sexual sin. 

If you struggle with sexual purity in any way…pornography, lust, masturbation, pre-marital sex…watching movies or TV shows with sex scenes or nudity will not help you be more pure. 

Our biggest problem is the lies that we tell ourselves:

• It’s not that big of a deal
• It’s just one sex scene
• It’s just a little nudity
• It won’t affect me beyond this moment

Maybe the reason you still watch porn in private is a direct result of the movies and TV shows you’re willing to watch in public.

Please hear my heart…this post isn’t an indictment on movies or television. I’m not suggesting that in order to please God or be pure or be a Christian, you can’t watch TV or never go to the movies.  This is a plea to see the connection between what we allow in our heart and our ability to resist sexual temptation. 

Maybe the first step to freedom doesn’t start with an internet filter or accountability partner.

Maybe the power you’re looking for to resist sexual temptation begins with a decision to raise your standard of sexual purity.

Big changes usually start with small decisions.

You’re willingness to evaluate the movies you watch in public could drastically help you resist sexual sin in private.