You Can't Redeem Yourself

Three years ago I sat in a Starbucks in downtown Indianapolis talking with an old friend. Mark and his wife have played a huge role in our life, in our marriage and in our ministry. I worked for Mark for three years. He is the founding and senior pastor of Oakbrook Church. I’ve always looked up to him. He spoke truth into my life. He was an encouragement to me. He was the first person to tell me that I had the gift of teaching and he wanted to help me become a better teacher; a better leader; a better pastor.

In this moment, I sat across from him trying to explain the slow fade of my character that lead to the affair. It was a tough conversation. I had that feeling you get in your gut when you know you’ve disappointed a coach or a teacher or a parent. I knew he loved me…but I knew he was disappointed.

He asked me a question that I still think about today: “How are you going to make this up to Trisha?”

I didn’t have an answer. How do you make up something so big? I simply said “Mark, there is no way I can ever make this up to Trisha. All I can do is allow God to redeem what I will never be able to redeem.”

I didn’t realize at the time how much I would need to repeat those words to myself. Guilt is powerful. Shame can control you.  Disgrace can consume your heart. Somehow it is easy for us to come to a place where we think we can redeem ourselves. We can make up for our mistakes. We can erase the past.

If we can be better…if we don’t lose our temper…if we don’t look at pornography again…if we can not be so controlling…if we can not gripe as much…if we can do our part around the house…listen more…come home earlier…work less…make less mistakes…Then somehow we can redeem ourselves. We can even the scales. We can make everything right.

When you and I try to redeem ourselves, we humanize grace.

Will you allow me to speak to your heart today?  You can’t redeem yourself.

You weren’t created to be the Redeemer. As you are trying to redeem your past, you are carrying the weight that only Jesus Christ can carry. You are trying to be your own messiah.

Jesus offers not just to save you from your sins, but also to save you from yourself. Allow him to bring the redemption you long for.

The truth is you can’t always make up for the past…but God can redeem your past if you will let Him.

Do you struggle with trying to redeem yourself?