I meet and talk with people all the time that are disappointed. At some point in their life; when they were growing up, when they were in college, when they were in financial trouble, when they got married, when they got divorced, when they had kids; they bought into this version of Christianity...
One of the things that Trisha and I realized early on when we left ministry in 2005 is that we both suffered from The Messiah Complex. Wikipedia defines this as: A messiah complex is a state of mind in which the individual believes he/she is, or is destined to become, a savior.
This isn’t...
About 6 weeks before the affair started, I was sitting next to a creek with a great friend. He was talking to me about some issues that he and his wife were going through. He wasn’t an emotional guy by nature, not the type of guy to open up easily. Yet, here he was being vulnerable, honest,...
Trisha and I meet with and talk to couples all the time. One of the first things they express to us is how much they wish their marriage was different. They wish there was more forgiveness, more communication, more respect, more intimacy, more joy, more time together, more patience, more romance,...
I want to be desperate for God. I want to desire an intimate relationship with God more than I desire anything else. What is true about me, and maybe true about you is that I tend to pursue and am desperate for what God can do for me, more than I am desperate for God, Himself. I am desperate for...
The pressure of writing this post is a bit overwhelming and my heart is heavy. Sigh… not because I think I have all the answers but simply the reality of the broken person who will search for this resource. Remembering that surreal and painful moment of hearing “I’m having an...
I have had so many conversations with people lately that have left me sad and frustrated. Sad because I see a pattern in their life that reminds me of my own. Frustrated because I know a better life is possible and a more fulfilling life awaits them, but they have to choose it. Many of the people...
Today, Trisha and I are starting a two-part post on things that you must do if you want to restore your marriage after an affair. I am writing part one today, from the perspective of one who has had the affair. She is going to write part two tomorrow, from the perspective of the spouse who...
I have had so many conversations lately with married couples that are miserable in their marriage. Some still co-exist in the same house, but aren’t really living together. Others have decided to separate, and are considering counseling and trying to work it out. Some have already filed for...
We have spent most of the past two years trying to discover, process and follow God’s will for our life and our family. We have journaled, prayed, fasted, talked, sought advice from wise people. Here are three questions we processed
- What does God want?(What does God say in His word...
I have been praying about this post the past few days…praying that God allows me to communicate my heart in a way that makes sense and helps provoke a change of perspective.
Over the past five months there has been a trending topic that has lead hundreds of people to our blog. The #1...
For years one of my biggest fears was asking for help. When you pretend like you have all the answers, why would you need help? I remember one time in 1999, we were not doing well financially, so Trisha asked our senior pastor Mark Malin and his wife if they would help us create a budget. She...
A few weeks ago, I was talking to someone on the phone who had just admitted to an affair, resigned his position as youth pastor at his church, and is at the start of a very, very long journey. In the course of our conversation I said “I measured the success of my marriage by the absence of...
There are a number of things that Trisha and I could write about in our last post on the principles that restored our marriage, but this concept of hope is probably the most important. So we are going to each take a few minutes to talk about how Restoration principle #8 played out for each of us...
As we come to the last two principles of our “8 Things that Restored Our Marriage” series, I have to admit I have struggled with these last two posts. We have not posted in over a week, not because we didn’t have anything to say, but because there was so much we could say, I...
One of the things that was so frustrating to me in my walk with God until Trisha and I separated was the fact that I struggled with the same sins over and over and over. I made repeated promises to God that I wouldn't commit a particular sin ever again. I asked for forgiveness and would do great...
